Helping Kids Manage Big Emotions from ParentTV

We’re happy to offer a new partner in parenting and youth services: ParentTV! This online resource offers short video tips from parenting experts, as well as blog posts and other material, all free with your Chandler Library card. This month’s featured blog post is on helping kids manage big emotions.

Kids can easily get overwhelmed by their emotions, which can lead to outbursts or meltdowns. These situations are usually exacerbated by hunger, tiredness, or illness. Unfortunately, they also often happen when parents are busy and feeling overwhelmed themselves. While it can be difficult in our hectic lives, it is important for parents to model emotional regulation, particularly when kids are in meltdown. Responding to an upset child with a strong negative emotion like frustration or anger will only make them feel more out of control. Fortunately, there are some simple things parents can do to help calm their child and keep moving through the day.

1. LET THEM KNOW IT IS OKAY TO BE UPSET.
   This is all about validation. It’s important for children to learn that what they feel is allowed and normal. Emotions, especially the big ones, can be difficult for kids to process and we don’t want our children to be ashamed of them or feel like they need to be hidden away. A simple way of validating your child’s emotions is saying something like: “I know you are frustrated. I would be frustrated if I couldn’t find my favorite socks, too.”
2. TEACH THEM HEALTHY WAYS TO EXPRESS THEIR EMOTIONS.
   Following closely on the first point is teaching kids about how to express their emotions in a safe and healthy way. Even the gentlest child can lash out in frustration or anger. We need to reiterate to our children that even when dealing with big emotions there are appropriate ways to behave. For example, “It is ok to be angry, but it is never ok to hit.” Teaching them strategies such as walking away, belly breathing, humming their favorite song or visualizing something they love are simple but effective ways of teaching them how to self-soothe and regulate their behavior before reacting.
3. REASSURE THEM THAT YOU ARE THERE FOR THEM AND THEY ARE SAFE.
   Being a child’s calm, safe space when they are experiencing big emotions is an important and vital role for a parent. This can involve a reassuring hug or just sitting with them as they work through what they are feeling. Make space and time for them to regain their composure rather than trying to get them to move on before they are fully recovered from their meltdown.
4. REMIND THEM THAT EMOTIONS ARE TRANSIENT.
   Kids live in the present moment, so how they feel right now is how they think they will feel forever. Teach them that a bad moment does not make a bad life, or even a bad day. It can be hard for kids to comprehend that how they feel right now is not permanent, but you can link it back to another time they were equally emotional: “Remember that time you lost your favorite soccer ball but then we found it in the car? You were really upset but then afterwards had a great time playing soccer at the park.”
5. THAT EVEN BAD FEELINGS CAN HELP US GROW
   We all make mistakes, but if we reflect and learn from them then even a bad situation can have a positive outcome. Reminding children to look for the lessons in life and work on how to do things better next time teaches resilience and problem-solving skills.

Read the full article at the ParentTV blog, or log in to ParentTV with your Chandler Public Library card number and PIN to view more videos on behavior and emotions, like this one on Taming Tantrums at Home.